eggshells

When a lot of people and friends hang out with me... I can appear very strong... as if I don't have a single worry... I focus on what I have: career, friends,... etc.

It just seems comfortable putting on a mask and having a shell to "protect me". I won't be someone's liability or having a "perfect" "flawless" life seems easier to be friends with.

but the reality is I'm not.

I am nowhere strong. It might be hard to believe but sometimes I would hide under my blankets and cry... feel insecure and not know what to do. The reality is... I am lost. While I do have a "career" I don't have a direction. I have friends, but those who I can really share with... and not feel that one day they will hurt me are very few.

Betrayal in the past has created multiple wounds that I am still learning to cope with, live with and heal from. But it is hard.

I always thought I have healed from most... but my self defense tells me otherwise. It is difficult for me to fully trust people.

I have tried to give it to God... but just when I thought I have given it all, I realize there are still so much left... I am exhausted.

Why do people like to hurt others? :'(.